1. Three Day Rule
The Three day rule explains why we should wait 3 days before calling a woman.
Jesus started the whole wait three days thing. He waited three days to come back to life. It was Perfect.
If he had waited only one day a lot of people wouldn't have even heard that he died. They would be all "Hey Jesus....Whaddupp??"
Jesus would be probably like "Whaddupp?? I died yesterday!!!!"
Then people would be all..."Err..you look pretty alive to me dude !!"
And then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected and how it was a miracle and then the dude would be like... "Okkk!!!....whatever you say bro!"
And Jesus is not gonna come back on a Saturday. Everybody is busy doing chores, working the loom, trimming their beards.
No. He waited the exact right number of days....Three!!
Plus its Sunday and so everybody is in the church already. They are all in there..."Ohh Noo...Jesus is dead"
Then BAMMM!!!... He bursts through the back door, runs up the aisle....
Everyone's totally pysched and FYI , thats when he invented the High Five!!!
Three Days! We wait three days to call a woman because thats how long Jesus wants us to wait...
True Story.
2. The sexless Innkeeper
T'was the night before new year's,
And the weather grew mean.
It was 3:00 in the morning, And I was stranded in Queens.
The tavern grew empty, The gas lights grew dim.
The horse-drawn carriages were all but snowed in
Last call was approaching, And my fortunes looked bleak.
Then I turned to my left And stifled a shriek.
She had a peach fuzz beard And weighed 16 stone.
She gobbled up hot wings And swallowed the bones.
I muffled a scream And threw up in my mouth.
I asked, "where do you live?" And she said, "one block south."
I swallowed my pride And six shots of whiskey.
And prayed to the gods That she wasn't too frisky.
Back in her cave, she prepared us a snack.
'neath her mighty hooves, the floorboards did crack.
But when she returned, She found a sound sleeper.
And thus she became The sexless innkeeper.
3. It's gonna be legend-... wait for it... and I hope you're not lactose intolerant because the second half of that word is DAIRY!”
4. God, it's me, Barney. Whadup? I know we don't talk much, but I know a lot of girls call out your name because of me.
5. When I get sad, I stop being sad, and be awesome instead... True story !
6.Ted: Do you have a cold?
Barney: I'm fine. My nose is just overflowing with awesome and I had to get some of
it out.
7. Three Rules of Cheating
There's three rules of cheating: It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married. It's not cheating if her name had two adjacent vowels, and it's not cheating if she's from a different area code.
8.Marshall: [after the stripper breaks her ankle] Now we'll have to spend my bachelor party in the hospital.
Barney: Then we'll see her X-rays. The ultimate stripping. X-rays? More like triple-X-rays.
9.Standard letter Barney uses with some of the women he sleeps with.
“Dear Resident,The time we spent together, however long it was, meant the world to me. I would love to see you again but unfortunately I cannot. You see… I am a ghost. I can only materialize once every decade on the anniversary of my death. I chose to spend my one day among the living with you, sweet resident. Perhaps we will meet again in another decade provided you keep your fitness. Until then, all my love from the beyond,
Barney”
10. The Cheerleader Effect
The Cheerleader Effect is a situation in which not so hot or awesome people who do not appear hot as individuals seem hot when in a group. This is very common among cheerleaders. Hence the name; cheerleader effect. The origins of the cheerleader can be dated back many years ago when the great Barnibus Stinson discovered the Bro code. Since then the cheerleader effect has evolved in different shapes and sizes. Among some very poplar examples of the cheerleader effect are; the Brazilian soccer team of the 1990's, the cheerleading team of Oklahoma. It was only in the late 1990's that some very few cases of the cheerleader effect in men were observed. Some common examples are the England football team and President Clinton's Cabinet. So the next time you see a bunch of hot looking women at a bar, take a good look at them one by one.
The Three day rule explains why we should wait 3 days before calling a woman.
Jesus started the whole wait three days thing. He waited three days to come back to life. It was Perfect.
If he had waited only one day a lot of people wouldn't have even heard that he died. They would be all "Hey Jesus....Whaddupp??"
Jesus would be probably like "Whaddupp?? I died yesterday!!!!"
Then people would be all..."Err..you look pretty alive to me dude !!"
And then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected and how it was a miracle and then the dude would be like... "Okkk!!!....whatever you say bro!"
And Jesus is not gonna come back on a Saturday. Everybody is busy doing chores, working the loom, trimming their beards.
No. He waited the exact right number of days....Three!!
Plus its Sunday and so everybody is in the church already. They are all in there..."Ohh Noo...Jesus is dead"
Then BAMMM!!!... He bursts through the back door, runs up the aisle....
Everyone's totally pysched and FYI , thats when he invented the High Five!!!
Three Days! We wait three days to call a woman because thats how long Jesus wants us to wait...
True Story.
2. The sexless Innkeeper
T'was the night before new year's,
And the weather grew mean.
It was 3:00 in the morning, And I was stranded in Queens.
The tavern grew empty, The gas lights grew dim.
The horse-drawn carriages were all but snowed in
Last call was approaching, And my fortunes looked bleak.
Then I turned to my left And stifled a shriek.
She had a peach fuzz beard And weighed 16 stone.
She gobbled up hot wings And swallowed the bones.
I muffled a scream And threw up in my mouth.
I asked, "where do you live?" And she said, "one block south."
I swallowed my pride And six shots of whiskey.
And prayed to the gods That she wasn't too frisky.
Back in her cave, she prepared us a snack.
'neath her mighty hooves, the floorboards did crack.
But when she returned, She found a sound sleeper.
And thus she became The sexless innkeeper.
3. It's gonna be legend-... wait for it... and I hope you're not lactose intolerant because the second half of that word is DAIRY!”
4. God, it's me, Barney. Whadup? I know we don't talk much, but I know a lot of girls call out your name because of me.
5. When I get sad, I stop being sad, and be awesome instead... True story !
6.Ted: Do you have a cold?
Barney: I'm fine. My nose is just overflowing with awesome and I had to get some of
it out.
7. Three Rules of Cheating
There's three rules of cheating: It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married. It's not cheating if her name had two adjacent vowels, and it's not cheating if she's from a different area code.
8.Marshall: [after the stripper breaks her ankle] Now we'll have to spend my bachelor party in the hospital.
Barney: Then we'll see her X-rays. The ultimate stripping. X-rays? More like triple-X-rays.
9.Standard letter Barney uses with some of the women he sleeps with.
“Dear Resident,The time we spent together, however long it was, meant the world to me. I would love to see you again but unfortunately I cannot. You see… I am a ghost. I can only materialize once every decade on the anniversary of my death. I chose to spend my one day among the living with you, sweet resident. Perhaps we will meet again in another decade provided you keep your fitness. Until then, all my love from the beyond,
Barney”
10. The Cheerleader Effect
The Cheerleader Effect is a situation in which not so hot or awesome people who do not appear hot as individuals seem hot when in a group. This is very common among cheerleaders. Hence the name; cheerleader effect. The origins of the cheerleader can be dated back many years ago when the great Barnibus Stinson discovered the Bro code. Since then the cheerleader effect has evolved in different shapes and sizes. Among some very poplar examples of the cheerleader effect are; the Brazilian soccer team of the 1990's, the cheerleading team of Oklahoma. It was only in the late 1990's that some very few cases of the cheerleader effect in men were observed. Some common examples are the England football team and President Clinton's Cabinet. So the next time you see a bunch of hot looking women at a bar, take a good look at them one by one.
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